Upside down

That's what it feels like. Sat watching the hockey semifinal Sweden-Canada feeling sorry for myself when the phone rang. Look at the caller-ID, guess who? Yeah, that's right, my greatest sorrow, and also my greatest smile.
She'd fallen asleep due to a combination of lack of sleep and being exhausted after first going for a long run and then taking an aerobics class.. Talked for thirtysix, yes thirtysix, minutes about pretty much nothing, and god help me, all the anguish and anger I felt only a couple of hours ago more or less evaporated as I heard her voice. Unfortuanetly she was still tired so she wasn't interested in watching a movie, or perhaps she wasn't tired and just didn't wanna do it but wanted to keep stringing me along, how will I ever know?
The problem for me is that time is running out on me. Soon it'll be summer break and we'll go home and probably not see each other until next fall. And that doesn't feel like an option to me. I can't go through summer with this fucked feeling deep inside of me. But how can I get a straight answer? Sure, I could wait for the party next thursday and simply try to kiss her a bit into the evening but it feels like that could really go to hell on me. And I don't want that, I want to know.

/ Monkey without direction

edit: Reading what I've written here I realise that I much seem like such a whiner that never does anything, just sits at home and feels sorry for himself, and yeah, I do that pretty much, but I don't have anything better to do today.